i'm so stuck in between now... between studies n work, between project work n ppl, between THEM, between mom n dad, between the guys, between my health, between getting on where to start again...
juz when i tot i hv started on where i wan to head to... i realised that i'm back to the same place again... is it mi or is it smthg other things tt is pulling mi back... i dun wan to be easily manipulated like wad he always tell mi to caution myself... but i always dun see a need to put a guard on front, especially in front of my close ones... but not until u have experience it urself, the one u have always trusted, disappoints u the most...
all along i hv been waiting has proven to mi tt its all been a waste of time... i shudnt hv be so naive to hope for his turn back... its rather impossible... all he had shown mi, is that he's still holding back... wad would u do if someone were to tell u to give up on them??? wud u?? i wudnt... the more i'm asked to walk away, the more i wan to stay...
wad if disappointment hits u wave after wave? only a fool would remain there for the next slap... when forgiveness n chance was given, and betrayal sets in right after... wad r u gng to do?
next scenario, when ur holding smthg back from ur best buddy n telling him/her wud hurt them... cos its abt their own personality... will u tell them?? some wud say tt we shud tell them... cos if we care for them, we shud let them noe abt it... tok things out... wad if u dun wan any misunderstanding to occur n u can simply close an eye abt it... taking their flaws as who they r... wads more, nobody's perfect...
next, when u hate ur mom doing wadever she's doing to u... but u noe u love her deep down cos after all she's still ur mother... leaving her may sound heartless... but there's only 2 options, live with it or leave it... wad wud u choose to do??
choices... its all but making decision... there's no right or wrong choice... even if u fail, u can try again? maybe...
i can be bothered abt winning... cos i am always losing... as long as i dun lose out to myself... i'm contented... i dun like ppl who compares ppl with ppl... but strangely, i'm always comparing him with the rest... u mean i still care? gosh... tts bad... but tts natural...
i had been asked for my understanding... n whenever i gave my positive reply tt i do understand his situation... n gave my heartfelt opinion towards it... all i get in return was... "u still dun understand"...
in this new era, we all seek for mutual understanding... so wad can we do when one demands to be understood-ed n den fails to read the other's situation? tts wad i call...
a baby...
crying all day long to get attention from his/her mom n dad, n demanding them to understand wad she wans n wads happening to her NOW. they need immediate assurance... but they always realise wad they r doing then, when they start to grow up...
i dun wan to wait for u to grow up anymore... i've to carry on now... n i'm leaving u behind... i'm sorry... dun blame mi... blame urself... u failed mi, u failed urself.... u gave mi up... n now, i'm giving u up too... i hate to do tis... knowing that someday u'll regret.. n mi, being a self-centered person... am gng to think more for myself instead of u... i fantasize too much of our future... it wouldnt work out for us... we're from 2 different ends of the world who shudnt hv met... cos there's juz too much pain impart in mi to get rid of...
leaving mi behind, all bruised... n now, seeing mi in no better state den u do yet there isnt any concern shown... i was said to hv Walked Out completely from u b4... n den u wished i wudnt do the same, but arent u doing the same thing to mi too?
wads all left ard is juz misery n pain... is tt wad u get when u mix hatred n love together?
everything sux...
# posted by
mdm |
11/25/2005 10:21:00 PM