was daydreaming the whole day la... wasnt paying much attention... seems like more n more of my peers r getting married... haas... so am i... *alr had one hubby* lolx...
anyway, try imagine the unimagined... like how u wud look when ur in ur 40s... or maybe when ur in ur mid 30s struggling wif life... or 8 months pregnant alr... i did tt... imagined the different life course if i were to pursue... rather meaningless tho... i may be wif the one i love... but how can u guarantee tt his love for u will never change? remember, the most impt thing in life for women is the man they choose to marry...
n always remember tt fact... u can NEVER change a guy... either ur changed by him, or he changes himself when he experience some so-called "calamity" upon him... when u leave him, someone else pass away, hardships he went thru, etc... then, tt will be his turning point...
imagined how my wedding day will be like if it was with him... it will be The Wedding a ger ever wanted... or at least tts my definition of A Perfect one... one by the beach... with all my Jiemeis there~ wearing my white track shoes after the ceremony n run wildly on the beach with him... then the throwing of the bouquet to the bridesmaid... followed by dinner and dance by the beach where the newly weds will start off with the dance~ how lovely~
o well, tts the nice part... but will u go on n daydream smthg terrible tt will happen to u after ur marriage? well, i did... didnt do tt on purpose, but its juz like a dream... u dun "direct" how the dream goes abt... (sometimes u do...)
n the daydream goes on tt the honeymoon was so-so... had alot of fun too... but after tt, things started to turn sour... real sour... imagine u r daydreaming tt ur pregnant n u found out tt ur hubby's having an affair... n later on he repented n u accepted him again... when the baby's born, grew up a lil... the husband went astray againz... found out by his family n revealed at a family dinner tgt... n ur crying ur balls out n later u stopped... paused... n say, well... lets end it off~ its not the 1st time alr... since ur still obviously not over her... let's juz get on wif our life separately... n then left home wif the baby... *then she came to realised that leaving the truth was a fatal mistake, its like breaking urself away from protected arms*
after tt... there was 2 different scenarios... one was the baby grew up... missed the dad alot... but shitted... they family still stays apart n mom crys... heartbroken, disappointed... Cause, things can never be the same again even if they back again... its like piecing up a broken vase... the cracks will still be there no mater how u glue it back...
another scenario was, when they juz got separated for a couple of months... mom was alr pregnant, again! well, unknowingly tis time... then fainted at home... dad found her n took her to her to the hospital n found out the news... they got back tgt... however, things STILL wasnt the same again...
the moral of the daydreamed story was... never leave what u always believed in... cos the grass always look greener on the other side... but once u stepped over there... then u realised, its actually better back at the old spot...
this then comes to mind after much pondering... a saying from a sister... find tt it relates to everyone of us... strangely, when we were chatting halfway, she brought tis topic up out of the blue... maybe its bcos of the dead guy (wrapped up)we saw under the void deck... most probably jumped from the flat...
she asked, if i ever noticed... tt some things in life... be it a calamity or disaster tt strikes u... tho' u experience Great Pain initially and the healing process is equally painful... all u can do is to bear with it for the moment... cos it will be gone very soon, even b4 u noe it... the pain will be gone... n after awhile, when the pain is no more there... u wun even notice the scar left behind... even when u realise it, all u see is just a scar... *no more hard feelings*
same goes for living in this world... there are many things tt can brings us down in many ways... for the moment, wad we can do is to bear wif it... be it the great amt of stress level u receive in sch, from frens, proj mates, bf, gf, family, work, retranchment, job lost, falling out of love, etc... the cut is painful... n so is the healing process... but when its all over... it shudnt be bothering u anymore...
but wad if it still does? isnt it better if someone is there to soothe u during the healing process? a companion or smthg? an aid? yea... tt'll b great if u hv such blessings... but do cut tt off if u dun... we still got to do it independantly... no one can heal u immediately... but to make the process seems shorter... from cradle to grave, we come n go alone... it takes lots of courage to handle such things alone, dun we?
if u still feel the pain inside u when u look back at ur "scar"... then perhaps, u haven really recover from the "healing process"... or it might be smthg tt ur still holding back onto unknowingly... or still bearing grudges against it... yeap...
n towards the end of the daydream day n recollection of wads told... i can conclude tt its time to choose the right track again... its not too late yet...
but i still need time...
bcos, i'm still at the healing stage... n tts wad i found out...
# posted by
mdm |
12/12/2005 01:25:00 AM